Endless Supply of Nothing
If you’re looking for balanced perspectives, this may not be your safe space. But if you’re ready for sharp takes, big laughs, and the occasional inconvenient truth? Pull up a chair.
Endless Supply of Nothing
Kids These Days
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Who could be the guilty pleasure coach to uh the younger generation and And teach them moderation and how to have fun and blow off a little steam while drinking and doing drugs, but like responsibly edging. Yeah. Yeah. What's edging?
SPEAKER_01Well that's a whole we don't really want to get into that. Welcome to an endless supply of nothing. I'm Adam Paris.
SPEAKER_00I'm Connie Foley.
SPEAKER_01We are about to explore the absurd in a truly absurd way. We dare you to take us seriously.
SPEAKER_00So, Adam, what are we gonna talk about today?
SPEAKER_01You tell me.
SPEAKER_00Well, I was thinking we talk about kids these days.
SPEAKER_01What about them?
SPEAKER_00I don't know. What is wrong with them? What is right with them?
SPEAKER_01Sorry, I think I've been joined by Connie's 85-year-old alter ego. Let's call him Cornelius. He's uh he's she's a he. And uh we're recording live from a back porch somewhere in Bermuda shorts and judging in judgment of everyone.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Actually, my best friend and I have this goal in life how we're gonna get old and sit on a porch on rocking chairs and just judge and make fun of people as they walk by, and we can't wait for that.
SPEAKER_01So, Cornelius, what's wrong with kids these days?
SPEAKER_00Well, first, right, I have these girls who kind of babysit our kids, and they're in high school, and this one girl was telling me how she doesn't drink anymore, because like her friend, like people are putting stuff in their drinks, or I don't know what the situation was, but like they had to take him to the hospital, and he almost died, and I don't know, it seems very dramatic.
SPEAKER_01Like this is comedy for us. I just want to remind everybody that this is actually supposed to be funny.
SPEAKER_00But I mean, it seems like the kids are like they're not going out as much, they're not drinking, they're not doing drugs, they're not having sex, so what the fuck are they doing?
SPEAKER_01Did you just pop out of the woman like rocking out? Like, give me a fucking drink, huh? I came out with a glass of wine in my hand, and uh Right, because you're 85 now, and when you were born, you were like already 40 years old and had two kids, and you're like, give me the mine. I need some red wine.
SPEAKER_00Well, what were you doing when you were in high school?
SPEAKER_01That's classified information. Thank you. I was misbehaving a little bit, I'll say that. And I grant you that it is good for kids to take risks and adventure a little bit.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I'm not saying that every kid needs to like get drunk and do drugs or anything.
SPEAKER_01Notice. Couldn't get that out with a straight face.
SPEAKER_00But this is also my thing. It's just like if you don't have a vice like drinking or drugs, then it becomes things like sex or weird stuff.
SPEAKER_01Like, or I love how it just dropped off from there. Just like this is a whole this whole episode is a series of waterfalls. Yeah, no, I'm with you there. It's good to have guilty pleasure.
SPEAKER_00It's like I don't trust like like Mormons, for instance, right? Like, they're not allowed to drink, they're not allowed to like do drugs, they're not allowed to like drink caffeine. So then what is their vice? And then that's how polygamy starts, you know, like people need a vice.
SPEAKER_01Another waterfall, everybody. Class four rapid right there. I think what you're really talking about is like the difference between exercising self-control and then also exercising your ability to like let go of the stuff.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like blow off steam, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, steam release.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01That's what we're talking.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01So far on the list is drinking, drugging, polygamy. Not sure that's a steam release to some.
SPEAKER_00So I mean, sex is one, right? People who have like, I mean, there's people who come out with like sex addictions, right? Yeah. How you doing? How are you doing? And then, but then outside of those, I guess some people like exercise, which is kind of lame, but somewhere someone's running around a park listening to us right now, and they're like, fuck you guys, now I gotta walk. I mean, I guess that's that's a healthy vice.
SPEAKER_01It's a healthy vice, right? It's not a guilty pleasure. Yeah, it's a pleasure.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01Uh although to your point, some people can get addicted to exercise.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01I think that the big question is like consequences, right? Like the consequences are different. Fentanyl's out there, you know, people can get pregnant.
SPEAKER_00Who's the grandpa now?
SPEAKER_01Yes. This is my altar you go.
SPEAKER_00You know what?
SPEAKER_01Actually, you know what I think? This is a service you could offer. Did your kids ever watch the show Nina Needs to Go Potty?
SPEAKER_00No.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god. Like, um, I don't even know if it still exists, but in Nina Needs to Go Potty, the formula is every episode, some emergency happens, like emergency pea situation has to happen. P or poop. We don't really know. It's ambiguous. What? That was probably the mystery of the show. Because you just don't know if it's one or two, because it's just always potty.
SPEAKER_00Really? Oh wow.
SPEAKER_01But like Nina's family's at an amusement park, and Nina's on the roller coaster, and it's like, uh oh, I gotta go potty, or like Nina's family's on a hike miles away from any public restroom, and it's like, uh oh, Nina needs to go potty. But the brilliant part that I loved, because there's just there's so many things happening in my head. The animation is not good. Okay, but the hook was whenever she said that, there was a grandmother that came to the rescue, like Mary Poppet. She'd be like, uh, oh, Nina, I'm here to save you, and like grandma be saving some people. Like, she had like basically potty superpowers. She could like fly in, right, like appear out of nowhere on the roller coaster and be like, no problem, Nina. I asked them to switch it and stop, and then like whisk her away to the bathroom. So grandma, coming back to our problem about guilty pleasure. I feel like that's because I feel like your brains are in right now.
SPEAKER_00So many questions. And is that you could be like the guilty pleasure coach to uh the younger generation and teach them moderation and how to have fun and blow off a little steam while drinking and doing drugs, but like responsibly. Yeah, yeah. What's edging?
SPEAKER_01Well, that's a whole we don't really want to get into that. But I basically basically be like, you know, you guys can have sex, but I'm just gonna be right outside listening for when this crosses the line so you don't get pregnant.
SPEAKER_00Well, I'll give them a condom.
SPEAKER_01That's really well, that's just the boring way.
SPEAKER_00Well, what am I gonna listen for with them to jerk like to ejaculate? Like and say don't ejaculate inside the girl or something? I mean, where are we going with that?
SPEAKER_01That's graphic. That was graphic. I was thinking something more on. Crescendo leave something like that. Like make sure, make sure you like pull out bingo, or you could listen in case there's an uh oh, like that signals condom broke.
SPEAKER_00And like, and come in with like a plan B or something.
SPEAKER_01Or let's think about the sex realm. Maybe you could be there to like help them buy good drugs instead of like fentanyl-based drugs, or you could have like your little mobile test kit, like, ooh, I got it! We're buying some drugs.
SPEAKER_00Let me test them real quick. And I come out with like my little like utility belt.
SPEAKER_01Mobile lab. Yep, these are good. By the way. I'll just take a little bit for myself.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I could do that.
SPEAKER_01You're like, yep, okay, I could do it.
SPEAKER_00I guess it's but it's also like the whole moderation thing, I realize, is that it's not really about like generational thing, it's a personality thing, right? Some people have like this extreme personalities where they can't just enjoy like a little bit, they need to go to the extreme, right? So that's where like drugs and alcohol become a problem or even sex, right? Because like they can't stop. But if you can teach moderation and people can enjoy things in moderation, then that'd be really good for society, you know?
SPEAKER_01Everything in moderation, including moderation.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Well, I mean, I say to my kids, I'm like, you know, even things that are really good for you, if you take too much of it, it's not good.
SPEAKER_01Wisdom from Kanye Willis. It's a little bump toot uh, you know, a little bit of pound town here and there is fine. Just, you know, moderate it.
SPEAKER_00Moderate it.
SPEAKER_01Where does like binge drinking fall in that? Is that moderation if you only do it every once in a while? That's excess.
SPEAKER_00That's excess. I mean, it says binge kind of it's in the name.
SPEAKER_01God damn it. Jesus.
SPEAKER_00You can't like moderately you can't moderately binge drink. No, I do not believe in binge drinking. I believe in moderately having drinks or you know.
SPEAKER_01I'm I'm with you. I mean, we have on more than one occasion unmoderated together. Or in we've enjoyed guilty pleasures in moderation.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01I'm with you. But I feel like the whole point here is like finding the limits. So I'm trying to find the limits.
SPEAKER_00So what is it with kids these days that like they do they not know their limits? I mean, every you're if you're young, right? Like, obviously it's gonna take some time to learn these things.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But is the world become so scary that like you don't partake anymore? Like, where but like we grew up with kids who go went missing and were pictures on a milk carton.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, there was a lot of people.
SPEAKER_00Like it's not, it's not like we didn't we grew up in this era of like, you know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. I'm glad you brought this up because every generation's like, oh, it's different, or like you don't know our plate. There was plenty of peril out there in adventuring and taking risks, and in the world.
SPEAKER_00I mean, it was like don't go near an unmarked van, you know?
SPEAKER_01Like stay away from the rape van. Just some general wisdom. Yeah. Uh mark that, we'll come back to it. Um, but but I want to give this generation a little bit of credit of young kids. They could use some help, adventuring, taking some risks, enjoying some guilty pleasures, but I think they're gonna turn out to be incredibly resilient, and here's why. Like, we may have had rape vans and pictures on the back of a mail card. We did not have a global pandemic, we did not witness degradation, if not outright, like undermining of democracy. Like, there are some extraordinary things that are happening right now, like social media, yeah, huge technological advance. And there were technological advances in the past, like the cotton gin, the printing press, but uh those technological advances, you know the disposable camera, the poll. Um, but those didn't like directly lead to anxiety and social isolation. Every guilty pleasure that you've listed that young kids do less of relates to being social. You drink with your buddies, if you're enjoying drugs, you're doing it in a social way with good friends in a good setting. Um thank you.
SPEAKER_00Um but is that because they're less social, or is it because of the social pressures of social media and all these things where it can like last forever? Because back in our day, or back in my day, you know, like break it down, Cornelius.
SPEAKER_01Break it down.
SPEAKER_00You know, back in my day, the only thing you had maybe was like somebody had a disposable camera, and then there's a picture of you.
SPEAKER_01Disposable cameras, what is you? Well, you could do the disposable cameras.
SPEAKER_00You know, you take it to your one-hour photo and pick it up, you get the pictures, and then you're like, oh my god, like so-and-so was drinking in this picture or whatever, and that might be the only like evidence of that, right? Yeah, I mean, it was always like concerning, like, oh my god, like, don't show that picture to my parents, or like, you know, don't show that to anybody else, or you know what I mean? But our social consequences weren't like as forever or readily available, right, for someone to just search up, right? Like you needed to know a guy who had the picture, you know. Yeah, so I think there's a little bit of my theory for it. Yeah, I mean, there is a little bit of that, I understand, right? But once again, kids these days are a little bit maybe because of social media and everything available on the devices, they're not being socially interactive with other people, right? Like, I mean, we went to your house and you know, our kids are sitting around playing a video game, but like one at a time. You know, it's like kids come over to our house, and when they're playing, it's like two, three kids sitting around on a device, you know, like, and I'm like, guys, there's a physical human being right next to you.
SPEAKER_01Shouldn't you be like playing, you know, like playing in the snow or like yes, I totally agree.
SPEAKER_00And actually, I I mean it's not like I'm not saying that like we didn't play video games or anything like that. Of course we did, like, you know.
SPEAKER_01But this is exactly what I was gonna say is that I talk to kids these days, and very few of them very few of them What are you doing with those kids adults? The video games the kids play are like basically one-player games where if they're connecting with each other, they're connecting with each other online. But that doesn't tell us like when we played video games, it was sort of social because the two people on a controller played. You had two controllers, yeah. Yeah, two.
SPEAKER_00It was like one V One V one, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. It could be more social. So even when we played video games, it was more social.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Well, yeah, it's like when your friends came over and you had two controllers, you got to play those other games. Yeah, right? Like Street Tech Mobile or Techmobile or Street Fighter or Mortal Kombat. You can't I mean it's not as fun playing by yourself because you were playing against the computer, you know, like you played by yourself over there. I never had a gaming console.
SPEAKER_01Didn't oh you didn't?
SPEAKER_00No.
SPEAKER_01Interesting.
SPEAKER_00My parents were against it.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Do you feel like you rebel at all?
SPEAKER_00No. I mean, it's a little bit of a saltiness.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Because like I think there's another thread of guilty pleasures of like parents worry about this issue of like, well, if we don't let them have any fun, when they leave the nest, they're gonna go frickin' bonkers. I'm gonna try every drug. Yeah, I'm gonna have sex with every person.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I mean, like you have a kid who comes from a very sheltered place and then they come into the real world. Like, if one of two things happen, they find their other set of sheltered friends, and that becomes like a norm, or they go block wild and drop out of college or get pregnant or whatever. Like, yeah, I mean, it happens all the time.
SPEAKER_01See, I'm with you, and I it for me it comes back to you have to A learn how to make some mistakes, B, learn to take some risks, and you gotta test your limits to know your limits, right?
SPEAKER_00Sounds like an Eagle song. Take it to the limit. One more time.
SPEAKER_01Interesting. Okay. Linda gone there. Apparently, you're an Eagles fan. Um my opinion it'll be just like down like three notches. Sorry, Eagles fans.
SPEAKER_00I love all that light FM.
SPEAKER_01Like air supply. Sometimes when no one's around, I like turn it on real soft.
SPEAKER_00I used to fall asleep to 106.7 light FM every night when I was around.
SPEAKER_01That's the weirdest fucking thing I've ever heard in my life. And it was on all night, and you just had like soft rock pumping into your ear.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Interesting.
SPEAKER_00And then when I became an adult and I had a TV in my room that turned into ESPN Sports Center at night while I went to bed. Okay. I would put my TV to sleep for 30 minutes, and then I turn on Sports Center, and that's how I used to fall asleep.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna get a little corny for a second here. You know, there are some times where there are things that I learn about you that I'm like, this is why we're friends.
SPEAKER_00Tom talks about this all the time, our first sleepover. And I was like going through the normal routine, and I turn the TV on, I turn on Sports Center, I put on sleep, and he was like, What are you doing? And I'm like, putting the TV to sleep because I want to fall asleep. So I don't want to wake up at you know 3 a.m.
SPEAKER_01like sleeping next to you. I'm gonna try to get through the night here. I need something.
SPEAKER_00And so then he was like, I didn't even know that this feature existed. Well, also, he doesn't fall asleep like in movies or TV shows. He doesn't sleep, not with the TV on, uh, versus me, like I literally can turn a movie or TV or whatever on and like pass out in five seconds. So he was like, Of course you do this, and fell asleep in like five minutes, and so then I'm watching this show that I didn't even pick, and then he was like, and then all of a sudden, in the middle of the story, the TV shuts off.
SPEAKER_01That is a form of torture. I feel like if somewhere in Guantanamo, they've got prisoners watching lifetime movies, and they get them like emotionally invested, they're like, oh yeah, you're gonna have a great day, and wake, wake, nod, nod, like set them up with some popcorn and lifetime movies, and then right in the middle, when someone's about to like tell the other person I love you, just like turn it off and rip the popcorn out of their hand, and like, sorry, motherfucker, no end of lifetime movie for you. Give me no sold those weapons.
SPEAKER_00Where was I going with this? Oh, my parents just thought that like because I really like TV and they didn't want me to have a TV in my room because they wanted me to study.
SPEAKER_01This is the therapy portion of our show, ladies and gentlemen.
SPEAKER_00And so I would like sneak into sneak into my sister's room. I remember during like the next NBA finals, I was like sneaking into my sister's room and quickly like watch the game for a little bit, and like if I heard my mom's footstep, I would like turn it off and run to my room and stuff. But now, like, my kids have consoles, but I have said to Ivor, like, I never had a gaming console when I was a kid, so be grateful. Yeah, for does that make me salty?
SPEAKER_01Uh no. I mean, I'm of all of our family, like Renee and our kids, I'm the one that's like, we gotta have more screens, go do something, go talk to people. Yeah. But I do think that no amount of me saying that is going to like it'll help, but it's not gonna make it happen. They've gotta make that decision for themselves.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Well, I guess like the institution of like a bar or like going out like as an adult, right, is not gonna go away. So can we hope that this generation who can go to a bar and be like, hey, how you doing, to a stranger?
SPEAKER_01I think they might be a lag. Like, they haven't practiced those skills, it's gonna take a minute. My hope is that they discover it as something they enjoy. They can't sit at home forever. I'm gonna kick their ass out. Be like, you got no choice. How do we get in front of this bar? Oh, I don't know. Why don't you go in later?
SPEAKER_00Peace. Here's 50 bucks. Put my phone to the world.
SPEAKER_01Throw the phone out the window. Use a map! God damn it, get home, use a map. It's only two blocks. Um, yeah, no, I think uh I I think like the pendulum shifts even now. You can tell in as much as like there's lots of reasons for them to sort of withdraw when they hang out with people, they're psyched. And my son, he's 15, and he may be less aware of this, but he's definitely in a much better mood when he actually gets to go see friends and hangs out with them. Sooner or later, that will click.
SPEAKER_00I mean, we've created an environment at our house where I think there's always a lot of people coming like for dinner or you know stuff like that so like I mean with my kids they're kind of like is anyone coming over for dinner and I'd be like no why are we not enough you know but they enjoy like they like having people over for dinner and stuff like that. I don't know I feel like with your kids and my kids and our friends group and stuff like they travel, they hang out, you know like we kind of throw them into these mixes together like where they're hanging out with other kids and stuff and yes they might be on a device together but like they learn to say hi and you know you guys did have a good time when you came over but anyway so but I think I'm concerned but hopeful of the next generation. I'm sad I guess that they are so scared or the consequences are so I don't know scary or deep that they can't indulge or have fun in a in a certain way and you know like sure you know it's like it's it's kind of sad.
SPEAKER_01I think we get them while they're young I think like you know hey like what like peg them like knock them out or you know pump that breast milk mix it with a shot of Kahluah and some vodka and you got a white Russian that'll that'll create a nap and a half for your ass. They may wake up a little cranky from nap time but start them young spike their soft food uh well I mean not in my day but back in the day people used to take whiskey on babies gums right way to go literal talking white Russians you're talking painkillers over there um you know I like your approach for what it's worth I like the idea that you're like making the house a social environment that helps I do think that helps uh I think forcing them to get out is good it's it's like they always want to grow when they get out but then when they're actually in their side yeah traveling right I mean like they might be in the hotel room on a device but when they're out and about or whatever it's like oh this is cool you know you try new things you see new things I don't know like I said I'm hopeful but also sad like if that's their reality then sad for them I hope like they can come out of it. Dude do you want to talk I'm hopeful I'm hopeful like a little more wistful than hopeful right now I'm sad maybe that's an oxymoron. Um I know I feel like I feel the weight of it I just think that the best way to combat this is to lead by example. So you know as soon as we hit stop on the record button we're gonna do some drugs and drink um we're gonna call our spouses over here and then you know each go have some sex and yeah and we're gonna tell our kids all about the whole experience. Be like listen to what I did today this is really good for you. Every once in a while on a Saturday you just get started at like 12 noon and do some drinking some drugging and you know well Tom and I are going to a rave tonight.
SPEAKER_00Are you really yes nice what prompted that I don't know our friend Are you gonna live stream it for I learned actually be like hey guys this is what this is what getting social looks like boom boom boom boom boom I don't know it starts apparently at like 10 and goes to 430 the DJ doesn't the main event guy starts around 1230.
SPEAKER_01Okay. So where is this? At the Brooklyn Navy yard it's my first one I'm kind of nervous and scared but yeah alright but I'm hopeful and you're you're you know trailblazing. Yes I'm going on my first rave at 47 I have been two raves uh not two raves but two I've gone two raves I have gone two raves before I've been to one I've been to one that gets 70 years ago how much did you weigh this decision?
SPEAKER_00Not much.
SPEAKER_01I was like sh I guess yeah sure why not it's an experience I figured I'll go in the name of science in the name of science and setting a good example I'm gonna go with this ring. I'm gonna go that should be your opening line um when you meet people like hi I'm here in the name of science and setting a good example for my kids my name's Connie where's the party what do we do guys who's got the drugs there's gonna be plenty of that hopefully that's a big factor for me so where are we where do we stand on this kids these days are you more I feel like are you glass half full or glass half empty? I'm gonna say half full me too I'm half full I think I believe in them I think they're resilient and fuck if they can get through a global pandemic and what's going down all the turmoil and partisanship I think they're gonna be good people the next guilty pleasures what are we listing? What are what are our recommended guilty pleasures? Drugs, alcohol, sex, and exercise that was all real tentative do we do all these things at the same time sex is exercise.
SPEAKER_00Okay all right and sometimes when you're drinking it can cause lead to exercise because you're could lead you to dance and then relax after you have sex.
SPEAKER_01Yeah you just you know and that's like meditation or some drugs yeah which might lead to more sex exactly but not in excess not in excess always in moderate that second session no more no not a second round no put the TV on the timer and fall asleep through it is that what you did to Tom be like all right no more superhero okay what do you do when you cross the limit or how do you handle that situation um blank stare folks blank stare I just have that eagle side I can't stop taking it that's what the eagles said that's what I always do what was 6.7 taught me I'll weigh in here I'm gonna weigh in here I think just surround yourself with good people and your friends and help each other out because if somebody accidentally slips over the limit be there for each other. I like that nice that is really nice Adam yeah that's so sweet and there's combinations of things that you should not do like drinking and driving drugging and driving drinking drugging and driving driving you could do two of the D together but not the third D and they can be dying and go have some fun.
SPEAKER_00Yeah go have some fun I mean know the consequences but you know knowing it will make you I don't know be able to have the fun in a responsible manner.
SPEAKER_01Whoa that was like all one syllable words until we dropped responsible in there. Whoa do you need a break? Do you need some water or like a little more coffee or something? Oh responsible I couldn't put that sentence together.
SPEAKER_00Uh yeah have fun take calculated risks like maybe maybe ease into it surround yourself with friends who are trustworthy and have your back so that if something does happen then you're you're you know you're well taken care of.
SPEAKER_01Yeah trust them when they're like dude maybe don't post shit on you know social media maybe no no dick pics no dick pics no evidence yes I liked how you said it before no evidence especially photographic or video or even audio recording no one needs to hear you no one Connie's not coming and if you are going to experiment with drugs there's a new thing in town it's called Conelius Lab. It's a very clean non-rape van that drives around New York City it's a marked van not a rape van and it there's a mobile lab inside and we will test drugs exactly for you but no sex in the back. This fan's not rocking so don't come and knocking don't come and knock for that kind of a thing. Alright those are our takeaways I feel like this is not nothing but this is a lot of nothing this has been an endless supply of nothing.
SPEAKER_00Goodbye
