Endless Supply of Nothing
If you’re looking for balanced perspectives, this may not be your safe space. But if you’re ready for sharp takes, big laughs, and the occasional inconvenient truth? Pull up a chair.
Endless Supply of Nothing
DAP
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Season Finale! Will be back in September!
I walked twenty miles yesterday. I hiked twenty miles yesterday.
SPEAKER_00Why?
SPEAKER_01Over forty thousand steps, over four thousand feet in elevation gained, and over twenty five hundred calories.
SPEAKER_00Wow.
SPEAKER_01Because I'm helping Renee train for this uh the rim job. The rim job, the double rim job. Rim to rim to rim.
SPEAKER_00Because once wasn't enough.
SPEAKER_01It was her long air. Because sometimes you really need to come back across that rim. Uh oh God. I feel like this is what we're trying to get away from. Welcome to an endless supply of nothing. I'm out of Paris.
SPEAKER_00I'm Connie Foley.
SPEAKER_01We are about to explore the absurd in a truly absurd way. We dare you to take us seriously. Alright, Con. What are we here to talk about?
SPEAKER_00Um, I think we're here to talk about the three types of people in the world.
SPEAKER_01Oh, there are only three types of people in the world. And what would those three types be?
SPEAKER_00Um, well, I don't know if you ever watched the movie Team America, the Global Police.
SPEAKER_01Long time ago.
SPEAKER_00Um World Police, I think it was called.
SPEAKER_01Details, details.
SPEAKER_00Details, yes. Um, so there's like a little montage that one of the characters goes through, and he talks about three types of people in this world. And it's dicks, assholes, and pussy. Wow. Yes. Spicy.
SPEAKER_01All right.
SPEAKER_00And I mean, there's a whole like speech he gives and all this stuff, but we won't get into that. But you know, it always kind of like resonated with me in the sense that like they are. I mean, it's kind of true, like, personality-wise, how certain people like do have either a dick or an asshole or a pussy kind of personality. And you can Can we take this?
SPEAKER_01All right, let's get less anatomical. Let's go substitute it. We'll we'll test this uh when we come back around. But what like, you know, what would be non-anatomical alternatives to dick asshole pussy?
SPEAKER_00Oh god, I don't know. I can't I can't think like that. That's not that's not how my brain works.
SPEAKER_01I only think an asshole sticks and pussy. Um all right, so like an I presume. Yes, and this is what we're here to explore, that an asshole is like not a nice person. Yes. So let's we'll keep asshole. We can keep asshole. Okay. A dick is someone who is in a gray area, somewhere between asshole and a pussy?
SPEAKER_00A pussy.
SPEAKER_01Uh, and we'll call that person a shithead.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_01Can we do that? Okay, sure. And then what would be a big meanie head? Big duty head. Yes. Let's go duty head. I like duty head.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Um a pussy would be someone who's like kind of uh not assertive and like a pussy. I can't think of another word.
SPEAKER_01Let's go with um a donkey.
SPEAKER_00I don't know if we're allowed to say that anymore.
SPEAKER_01Why? Really?
SPEAKER_00I don't know. How about um are donkeys protected?
SPEAKER_01Are they a protected species? I didn't realize. Jesus.
SPEAKER_00I don't know. Someone who's like a wimp, not assertive, a little bit like gets bulldozed and name.
SPEAKER_01But we're getting into what we should be getting into here, which is like the philosophical underpinning.
SPEAKER_00Okay. That sounds weird.
SPEAKER_01I guess the point is we're not here to stereotype, and we're not here to make gender specific archetypes.
SPEAKER_00I don't think this is gender related.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00It's just personality, really.
SPEAKER_01This is personality. This is like what you're putting out into the world. This is your affect. And and what not just like your affect, but what you're contributing to the world.
SPEAKER_00I wouldn't say contribution, because that's kind of It's a step too far. A little bit. I would say it's more about like personality and persona, maybe, and like in the workforce. There's some people who have this like persona that they're this like head honcho, like big man on campus. But sometimes like those people could be nice, but others could be an asshole, like just not nice, narcissistic, does not do good for humankind.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Right. So they have bad intentions.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01Like in the realm of the asshole. Yes. Somewhere near that asshole. I'm imagining like a big Bermuda triangle that just takes you somewhere into the real deep dark region. Uh is just so.
SPEAKER_00Are you doing this on purpose? I'm not.
SPEAKER_01It's like, how could you? We're sw like, you know, there's just way too many layers upon layers of the colour. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_00There's so many. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Crisscrossing. It's like a you know a dark hole. It's like an orgy, really, actually, is where you just don't know like who's coming from which direction.
SPEAKER_00That sounds like a fun Saturday night.
SPEAKER_01But basically, what's swirling around in there is an overabundance of confidence, like arrogance, yes, meanness, yes, bad intentions.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00And then I think like a dick would be more someone who is like trying. Oh, a dude head is more trying to be like, you know, like they don't necessarily have the full confidence level. However, you know, they still want to be the big man in charge.
SPEAKER_02Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00Right? And I mean, like, not just man, but the big person in charge.
SPEAKER_02Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00Right?
SPEAKER_02Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00And then the pussy would be the one who's the donkey who would be kind of the one who's like flapjack. The flapjack.
SPEAKER_01Let's call him a flapjack.
SPEAKER_00That just gets like overruled and you know, pushed around and they don't have much of a say.
SPEAKER_01Alright. I feel like I want to defend the flapjack a little bit, but I'm we should. Um but also they should be like, which of these do you aspire to? Uh because you're not really painting any of them in a super flattering light.
SPEAKER_00True. It's not well something to be aspired to do. I think these are personality traits that a lot of people are kind of just born with.
SPEAKER_01Oh, all right.
SPEAKER_00You know, like these are tendencies. And I think maybe through the nurture part of life, maybe you could have tendencies. Yeah, you can maybe learn to be a better person and not to be a shithead and never be an asshole.
SPEAKER_01Nature nurture. I was gonna ask you this. Like, are you like born into an asshole?
SPEAKER_00I think assholes are born, yes.
SPEAKER_01And you get stuck in there? Or you can transcend the asshole.
SPEAKER_00I don't think you can transition.
SPEAKER_01You can't transcend, not transition, transcend the asshole.
SPEAKER_00I don't think so. I think the power is a big thing. Can you harden the flapjack? I think you can harden a flapjack.
SPEAKER_01Oh, all right. Well, so how come the flapjack gets a chance at redemption and the asshole doesn't?
SPEAKER_00I don't know. I mean, we we should probably like go into a find a scientist who can help us narrow this down. I mean, I've been using the phrase like in the name of science a lot. So, like, this could be an experiment in the name of science. I'd be happy to conduct some surveys and uh go out there with clipboards and uh do you consider yourself a A flapjack, B shithead, or C asshole? I mean, it'd be interesting what people would say.
SPEAKER_01Um, it would be really interesting. What do you consider yourself?
SPEAKER_00I don't know. I've thought about this a lot. I mean, I think I think I can I'd probably somewhere be like, I think I'd probably be a dick. I don't think I'm a full asshole.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00Because I can be assertive, but I will listen to other people's, you know, concerns and thoughts and consider them.
SPEAKER_01Alright. Maybe your starting position is a little over the line, but you're willing to kind of soften.
SPEAKER_00Sometimes.
SPEAKER_01Sometimes. I mean, if I have to.
SPEAKER_00You know, like the saying, you know, my way or the highway.
SPEAKER_01Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00You know, that's kind of an asshole statement. And whether your way is the right or the wrong way, they don't really care, all right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. They're very self-absorbed.
SPEAKER_00But if you were a duty head, you would maybe be like, I think this might be the best way, but if you have a better way, I will be listening.
SPEAKER_01Well, that's very passive because actually. I mean, I'm doing it this way until you come up with something better.
SPEAKER_00But it's not as aggressive as my way or the highway.
SPEAKER_01See, I think you have to nurture your inner shithead.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_01Like many folks may be born into a flapjack. You can be molded. You can be like, you're not really sure who you are, what you're putting out into the world. And until you kind of figure those things out, maybe you're like not totally sure of yourself. But as you sort of figure out what you stand for, in which situations call for being more direct, your shithead grows.
SPEAKER_00I mean, but is that like maturing into something like that?
SPEAKER_01Into a big pile of shit?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. Or I think as a shithead, maybe you can grow and learn, but do assholes really learn and grow?
SPEAKER_01I'll tell you one thing, I don't want my asshole to grow. Especially not the way you've described it.
SPEAKER_00I don't think you've got to be a good idea.
SPEAKER_01Really in any context, I think, actually. I'm pretty pretty comfortable with just the way it's pretty, you know, discreet and hidden.
SPEAKER_00Point taken. I mean, haven't you ever seen a kid? And I mean, I hate to say it, but like, you know, you see a kid in a playground or something, and you're like, man, that kid's an asshole.
SPEAKER_01Oh. But that's what I'm saying, is like he ha he or she or they have not had the chance to like figure out who they are, figure out when it calls to stand up for yourself or stand up to that bully.
SPEAKER_00Or they have assholes for parents.
SPEAKER_01So fatalistic. Kids born in assholes, parents are assholes. And we're all doomed. And we're all doomed.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I you know, I have two boys, and I've always said if I can decrease the asshole population by two, I'm gonna consider myself a good boy mom.
SPEAKER_01Oh. And I think that's right back there, making maybe make equate men or boys to assholes.
SPEAKER_00I'm only saying because I have two boys, and whether they become they're's or whatever they become, I mean, I just don't want them to be mean people in the world.
SPEAKER_01Sure, but that's true of all people, hopefully. Except to your point, I guess, there's your fundamental tendencies.
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01You can have asshole shithead or flapjack tendencies.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01But then also nature plays a role. Like you can have asshole tendencies introduced earlier on. Early on.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01And that breeds more.
SPEAKER_00Or it's like the sleeping bear inside you maybe hasn't been brought out yet.
SPEAKER_01That's what I'm talking about with it with the nurturing your inner shithead.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01Because I think the more you suppress your tendency, like the more you suppress confidence, the more you suppress your voice, the more you're, you know, you let other folks sort of dictate what your life is gonna be like. Dictate. It could sort of implode and create a crater-like asshole.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_01And then you lash out. So there's gotta be some space where you, you know, test the waters and you gotta like be direct and confident, but open to other people's ideas or whatever. Um open. But not turn into an asshole.
SPEAKER_00Yes. I mean it's a fine line. Everybody can be an asshole, but I think those are not like the true inner assholes. It's sometimes you can get mad or you can be a little narcissistic or you could be aggressive, and I don't think those are necessarily like one equals the other. It's just I think that when it comes with truly like ill intentions or like wanting to like commit murder because you feel like something has been done to you, or something along those lines, right? Like a revenge or whatever, like to the nth degree. Or you want to just, you know, fuck people over, right?
SPEAKER_01Intention matters.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Like if you have ill intention or you're trying to harm people, or uh, I don't know if you even need to go up to the murder. Uh I think that makes you an asshole.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01But you know, sometimes in the interest of speaking up or trying to like make your way in the world, you can maybe rub someone the wrong way, even if you didn't mean to.
SPEAKER_00Maybe a soft dick.
SPEAKER_01I don't see I'm not touching it. You could be a soft poo instead of a hard shithead.
SPEAKER_00Okay. What we don't want is, you know, people to be pussies and not stand up for themselves. Flapjacks and not stand up for themselves.
SPEAKER_01You want some texture to your flapjack. You want them fluffy. Fluffy. You want them to stand up.
SPEAKER_00Exactly.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You want them to rise.
SPEAKER_01But there's some good aspects of having flapjack tendencies.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01Right? Because you do want to empathize. You do want to walk a mile in someone's shoes or hear what they have to say, and not just because you're challenging them to come up with a better way. So there's like, you know, you want some of that in the mix.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01And so you gotta find a balance.
SPEAKER_00I mean it's all about the balance.
SPEAKER_01But intention matters, but you can't use intentions as uh you can't hide behind intentions. Yes.
SPEAKER_00I was gonna say. Because like I hate when people talk about intentions and they're like, Oh, I didn't mean to do this, that was not my intent. I mean, I'm just talking about the real housewives, you know, and it's like my intent was not to ruin your birthday party, but bitch, you did. And if your intention was to come here and like ruin this woman's birthday party, that would make you an asshole.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Right? So by saying, Oh, that was not my intent, does not excuse you for still being an asshole at the party and ruining the making this woman cry at her own birthday party.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's like don't take this personally, yeah. Like, no, nothing good has ever come after that statement. It's like, you know, don't take this personally, but that's the wrong color for you.
SPEAKER_00Like you should not be aware of that.
SPEAKER_01That was so passive aggressive, such bullshit. And speaking of housewives, I mean, holy mackerel, I can't say because I don't know those folks, what they're like, but they certainly portray a lot of assholes.
SPEAKER_00I don't know about assholism, but it's like they're all just trying to like up each other. I don't know why like certain women do this, but it's always like there's this level of competition and like they're always just like at each other's throats and stuff. And I don't really like I don't love that. I don't love that part of the shows. I mean, the drama is good, but I've said this before, but those type of reality TV is my Calgon. It takes me away and makes me feel so good about myself when I see these women like fight about some crazy stupid shit, and they have all the money in the world and they have all these like designer stuff, and yet they're miserable. And in some way, I mean, call it shot and fork, it makes me feel better.
SPEAKER_01It's the beauty to see them be assholes to validate your shithead. I guess you're in your shithead.
SPEAKER_00I guess it just makes me feel better about life. Like, it's like if they're unhappy and they have all this stuff, like I guess like that makes my unhappiness validated.
SPEAKER_01I mean, you're certainly you're certainly not alone. And like lots of people love those shows, and I I don't want to be them when I grow up by any means.
SPEAKER_00I'm not trying to buy their cookbooks or follow them and go see them at Bravo Con.
SPEAKER_01Drink their booze, buy their cookbooks.
SPEAKER_00I'm not trying to like, you know, but but I feel like they bring the average down a little bit. I know. That's what Tom says too.
SPEAKER_01You know, like I'd be worried that some of that seeps into your brain and just like maybe that's the litmus test. Maybe that's the like, you know, clockwork orange style thing where it's like you sit somebody in a room, force them to watch like three hours of housewives, and then give them some kind of like situational character test. And if they choose to be mean or vulgar or arrogant or whatever, it's like there is a direct influence, a one-to-one correlation between housewives and assholes.
SPEAKER_00I mean, that would be scary and sad at the same time.
SPEAKER_01You're like, there goes my cow guy.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I mean, it's not like I watch these shows and then I call up my girlfriends and like call them a bitch and like bitch them out. You know, I mean, that's not by the way.
SPEAKER_01Can you I'd rather like give them a big hook. Yeah, I'm just not into the housewives. I know it all. I'm not, I mean, it's not like I don't begrudge you. I don't begrudge you.
SPEAKER_00I don't need your validation. I mean, this is not supposed to be like serious TV. It's not supposed to be a documentary about some women in New Jersey that we're supposed to be learning from.
SPEAKER_01It's like there's a this is entertaining intention.
SPEAKER_00Supposed to be entertaining.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. But in the context of entertainment, you can land like an asshole.
SPEAKER_00I guess. But like just because you watched the movie about Jeffrey Dahmer, you're gonna be like going out and like wanting to eat bodies.
SPEAKER_01Let's freaking hope so. A lot of people watch that shit too.
SPEAKER_00Right? I mean, like, it can't be one for one all the time.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's what I'm saying, is like they're not like hard and fast archetypes. There's some, once again, gray area. Yes. But I feel like there's some level of accountability there with like reality TV. I won't even say housewives. Yeah. But like, you know, to your point, like you can't hide behind it intentions, you know, and just be like, well, no, but we're just in all we're trying to do is entertain people. There's still some sense of accountability. I mean, we don't come in here and say whatever the fuck we want. I mean, we talk about a little bit. A little bit, but like, you know, we're generally not trying to like spread bad vibes.
SPEAKER_00No, we want better humans. That's why we're talking about it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_00We want a better world.
SPEAKER_01We want Axel and Ivor to be shitty flapjacks.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, just a good human. That's really what I want. And I want everyone to be good humans. But then the question is, if everyone was a good human, then would we have entertainment?
SPEAKER_01Oh, contrast.
SPEAKER_00I mean, in a way.
SPEAKER_01Diversity is good. Can you give me an example of a situation when you encountered an asshole?
SPEAKER_00I mean, in my former workplace, I've definitely working in finance, you kind of can't avoid it. It hits you in the face every five seconds.
SPEAKER_01But I mean, I think it's earlier when we were talking about orgy or we brought up orgies, I felt like you thought that was a good thing. But just anyway, go ahead.
SPEAKER_00You know, having worked in finance for the last like 20 years, I've seen a lot of different personalities. You know, you see people where one person treats another person really poorly for no reason whatsoever, but then favors somebody else. You know, like, and I think there's just unwarranted biases and judgment made. And so I think you see in the real world that not everybody has good intentions or taking accountability for whatever they are doing, whether it's good or bad.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You know, I mean, I've always considered myself a very blunt person, and I kind of always say what I say, and I mean kind of mean what I say. And I can get emotional and passionate or whatever you want to call it, but just because like my bluntness can be taken as some to someone as being an asshole or a dick or something, right? But for me, it's like I rather have someone tell me straight to my face, like whether they like me or not, you know, like don't give me this like backwards compliment. It's too flappy, yeah, it's too flappy, and then turn around and like stab me in my back, then you're kind of an asshole.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Right?
SPEAKER_01No, I definitely don't like um false pretense.
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_01And I I think being direct also means at least the promise of a shorter line between what your intention is to like what you actually mean.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Although, you know, like obviously you're uh doing this podcast, like no one should take us seriously. So like we're we're we're stating that up front.
SPEAKER_00I mean, that's obvious.
SPEAKER_01I mean, we definitely don't want people walking around being like, hello, my name is John Smith, he, him, his, I'm a cisgender white male, and I'm a shithead.
SPEAKER_00I mean, if that's the way you want to label yourself, it could help identifying and you know, in the dating world, maybe someone wants that.
SPEAKER_01Maybe somebody wants you to be direct. Like I think New Yorkers have a reputation for being a little rough around the edges.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I think uh having lived here now for like over ten years, I think it's just that people are a little more direct, you know. I'm gonna say what I mean.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Now you still have to figure out like how to say it that's not like Go fuck yourself. Judgy and Yeah, like biting or mean.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Or mean.
SPEAKER_01Yes, thank you. I think mean is probably the principal component there. But like some of the things helps.
SPEAKER_00It's good. It's like if you ask for direction and someone says sorry, no, you rather have that, like I said, than someone give you the wrong directions.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I mean some.
SPEAKER_01Don't say fuck off, but also don't be like, oh yeah, I think I know the directions and send them off in some turn right over there and make a left over there and you'll be there.
SPEAKER_00And then you're like, no, that's not where it is.
SPEAKER_01I don't know how to get there. I'm sorry. You should ask somebody else.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And I think New Yorkers would be the first one to say, go fuck yourself. Or nope, sorry. And it's not going to be like a no one's going to take you down the wrong path. Or at least I don't think.
SPEAKER_01Fewer. Fewer. Let's not say no. There's nine million chances of this. I mean, I think the odds are you're gonna get a few hundred thousand or a few ten thousand flexibility.
SPEAKER_00But then you know, like you have the south or something where people are trying to be polite, and then instead of saying no, they might lead you down the wrong path, which is also not very nice.
SPEAKER_01Well, yeah, we know plenty of nice people from the south and love the south, but whether it's in the south or anywhere else, ditch the false pretense. Yes. Like, let's let's be direct, folks. Yes. That's part of like how we get past all this partisanship.
SPEAKER_00It's also more efficient. Um which I'm a big fan of.
SPEAKER_01So we got we've drawn out these tendencies. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Are we gonna gamify them?
SPEAKER_01We could gamify it. It's like the game of life. You're climbing your ladders. No, shoots and ladders. Shoots of ladders. Yeah. So it's like the game of shoots and ladders. Like you're going along, you're trying to climb up the shithead, the mound, yeah, and you're figuring it out. And sometimes you slip up and you fall down the asshole, and you end up in a pile of flapjack.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and then you just have to keep going up and up and up.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. You learn how to introduce a little shit into your flapjack or your little flapjack into your shit. And at the end you hope. You stack it up and you climb right up to the top and you become fully realized.
SPEAKER_00A good human being. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01A good human being.
SPEAKER_00You get like a little crown at the end.
SPEAKER_01Standing at the top of the pile of shit. Big old shit jacks. You jack it up.
SPEAKER_00And your whole goal is not to be an asshole.
SPEAKER_01And just don't be an asshole.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I mean, we should call Mattel.
SPEAKER_01If you're born and you're getting the vibe early on in life that you're an asshole, maybe introduce a little flapjack in there. I mean, that might be a little hard, but we have a fatalistic view of assholes.
SPEAKER_00However, I will be hopeful that maybe they will get influenced by a flapjack and they'll both find some happy medium.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like if there's more flapjacks running around, the world can shape you. There is hope.
SPEAKER_00There is hope. I mean, copy paste. Copy-paste. A little this personality trait into that personality trait.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god. Is this like a thing that you're gonna ask AI to do?
SPEAKER_00Can they build like the perfect human?
SPEAKER_01Well, we've already in an earlier episode determined that Snoop Dogg is basically the Oracle. So I think just go ask Snoop Dogg.
SPEAKER_00I think that is.
SPEAKER_01It's like a sorting hat, you know, but instead you just go ask Snoop Dogg. Lay your joint down at the foot of the master and then be like, Snoop Dogg, tell me, do I need more shit or more flap?
SPEAKER_00And he'll give you the answers. Yeah. I believe in Snoop.
SPEAKER_01All right then. We've worked it out.
SPEAKER_00We've figured it out. World solved.
SPEAKER_01World solved.
SPEAKER_00Here comes world peace, people. The next generation of good people. I'm in for it.
SPEAKER_01And that's a wrap.
SPEAKER_00That's a wrap. See you later.
